three quick ways to fail as a mother

Yesterday i joined the club of…….

Yes… Fin,Lola..and i drove around delivering birthday party invitations

{Fin is turning 6 on Friday…but i am begging him to please not to}

my phone rang …and it was Mason telling me that i was late and i needed to get him.

I had to do the walk of shame into the school office.

Mom Fail #1

For the record though….i didn’t really forget….i was just really late….

and that gave me  a headache the rest of the day.

{i’m thinking i need to be one of those moms that is always late…

then it’s just expected ..and no need for the phone calls}

Two advil p.m.’s helped last night…..i slept great….

so great in fact…that my kids almost missed the bus this morning.

Mom Fail #2

Do you ever have those days?

It seems since last week my mind has been in a fog….

for the first time in my children’s entire life i bought wheat donut holes at Trader Joe’s….

and let me just say…..donuts are not supposed to taste healthy.

Apparently…no one likes the wheat donut holes….and if i would have bought them when the kids

were younger….then i wouldn’t have had to sit here watching them take quick bites of cardboard and

act like i really am making them eat the stuff…….because this week also marks big testing at school.

You know the testing….the sheet that came home from school explains it all.

*Eat a healthy breakfast.

* Get lots of sleep.

*Make sure your mother gets you up in time so that you don’t feel like a child failure.

I just want to apologize to the teachers today…because i didn’t read the notes till after they had already left the house.

# Mom Fail #3

If you have a T.J’s….let me mention that they have spreadable chevre {goat cheese} back in the

refrigerated section….near the yogurts.

It’s really good.

Not good if you are trying to lose a few pounds though…but i just wanted to point it out to you.

They also now have boxed vanilla frosting….and i think their frosting is the best.

You can thank me later.

So…last Saturday…as i was trying on my black skirt for the memorial….the skirt that had fit

so perfect last year…..wasn’t fitting so well in California.

{i blame it on the awesome fish and chips we had in Carlsbad….}

As a matter of fact….i couldn’t zip it up all the way.

I might have said *shit* out loud…..or i might have said  *shoot*…i don’t remember…

all i know is i threw on my yoga pants…..

{i don’t even do yoga}

and walked Lola down the hotel hall to my moms room…dropped her off…

and high tailed it over to Target to buy some emergency Spanx.

Let me just say….they worked like a charm.

Black lace Anthro skirt….circa 2008….zipped up like a charm.

{note to self: always…..always….pack the spanx}

This morning i headed back to the gym…since it’s been 5 days since I’ve exercised….

and i promise not to each chevre by the spoonful today….or lick the powdered sugar OFF the donut holes.

Pinky promise.

And yes….that was me that apparently backed into my friends mailbox…knocking it over last week.

I just want to say….

who the heck puts a mailbox right next to the driveway?


  1. LOL!!! I have had those moments too!!! Dont be hard on yourself though..atleast we can laugh about it later!! xo Rachel 😉

  2. i call that being real…not failing as a mother…but that’s just me:)
    hoping this week is better for you
    and so glad someone else still pinky promises too:)

  3. You’re forgiven and maybe since the Spanx worked we can stop exercising???? I’m headed to Florida tomorrow where my motto is, “If you can’t tone it, tan it.”

  4. I wish I could get away with licking all the frosting off the donuts…..does that count as dieting?
    Oh, and you only failed as a Mother by getting whole wheat donut holes.
    Who does that?! 😉

  5. you are a riot!
    i need some spanx
    i have forgotten my girls on more than one occasion
    love the boxed tj’s frosting…the cake, not so much. too heavy/dense and dries out too fast.
    sorry i didn’t call you back. makes me a bad friend 🙁

  6. Ha ha! I have mom “fail” moments all of the time (or at least it feels like it)! They always make for great stories later though! Wheat donut holes? Sounds like such a waste! I am about to make a load of beignets, so I’ll think about you while we’re eating them. I just had a baby so I’m going to milk that excuse for at least a couple more weeks! Then I’m sure I’ll be living in the Spanx for awhile! Have a great week!

  7. Oh WOW you are human. I feel better 🙂
    I am super late too. So much to do !!
    I have to go back to working out too…Oh Well
    Loved my visit today ! Fun site !

  8. your so funny! i’m thinkin’ maybe i should go purchase some spanks!

  9. Welcome to the club! I love love love reading your blog, You are a talented writer even if you stink at the mom thing, ha, just kidding, we’ve all been there done that! Trust me! Sue

  10. You crack me up… Just wait till your kids are older… the Mommy Fails become even more noticeable and even more embarrassing…

  11. Aint life funny. I have to say since loving this blog I seem to let go of more of my “little” mistakes with the kids. It’s not good to be to serious all the time. THANKS FOR THAT.. However my boot fedish has grown and I DONT thank you for that 🙂 Spandex I have not tried. Ill check into that.

  12. mom fail #4…I sent the girl child to school sick and she threw up in class…on someone else’s desk!!!
    mom fail #5…having the boy child home sick from school and have him say (he’s 5)…’mom can you get off the computer and cuddle me, I don’t think you’ve even touched me today!?’
    we might be able to arm wrestle for the mother-of-the year award!

  13. becky up a hill says:

    Oh good nite. That Mom club? You ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait till you don’t take your kid to the dr. when he has a broken bone and you tell him or her (ha) it’s just a sprain. I could go on…

  14. As much as we may want to, I don’t think any of us can claim to be “SuperMom”!! Yeah, you make mistakes, but you have such a great sense of humor about it:) And that’s one of the reasons we all love you…you help us laugh at ourselves 😉

  15. Jennifer says:

    From a nurse that sent her little boy to school with a “mom I have a stomach ache” promptly to throw up in the hallway right off the bus, and her second son to say “mom, I think I broke my nose” 2 times in two weeks for her to say ” sure honey, just tell my BOSS when we stop by my OFFICE” – two weeks later – my boss/doctor say “Jennifer/Mom – you work here – your son broke his nose two weeks ago 2 times, now it has to be repaired when he’s an adult. Why didn’t you bring him in?” YEAH MOM????! So girl – you are wonderful – perfect – special – fab and hugs and ballons and parades to you! Jennifer

  16. Last week was my “fail week.” I normally average about a C-, but somehow last week I managed to piss off my husband, both my daughters and myself continually. Thanks for reminding me that even that super cool mom from online with the fabulous house screws up royally every once in a while too. 🙂

  17. I think this little failures happen to this mum all the time. It does sound familiar.
    I hope the day got better.

  18. I have Mom days like that too. In fact, I think we all do. And I love that you can put such a great spin on it and make me smile.

    And spanx is the greatest invention EVER!

  19. I forgot to be at the bus stop when my daughter was in kindergarten. The bus driver brought her back to the school and she sat in the principal’s office until I got there. I felt so guilty I bought her an American Girl doll! The funny thing is for the rest of the year she begged me to forget her again because she loved the bus driver and thought it was totally cool to hang in the principal’s office!! I could have saved myself a lot of money if I didn’t have the Irish-Catholic guilt thing going on.

  20. wait. tj maxx has a refrig section??

  21. You look beautiful at the beach holding Lola in your arms and I love the family photo. Such a great post. You are so funny! At least you can feel so comfort knowing that ALL moms fail here and there.:)

  22. Maureen says:

    It does not get any better when they are older…I won’t forget the look on my son’s face, last year when he was a senior in high school at the doctor’s office. He ran cross country and was complaining that he couldn’t breathe when he ran and that he had a sinus infection. I kept saying “You’re fine, buck up, it is just a cold…” When I finally made an appt. and the doctor while bending over with the stethoscope to listen to his lungs, said it was pneumonia – the glare from my son’s face towards me was priceless. If looks could kill…

  23. First, love your post, as usual!
    I have one child, he’s 4, and even though I prided myself on being a planner before he came along, I now find a lot of that is out the window! Oh, and we just got a TJ’s so I will check those items out!

  24. haha A little advice- admit nothing girl. Make them prove it was you! Loved this post! Thank God for spanx!

  25. I haven’t won any trophies or awards for being the best mother lately. Those days are just plain miserable. Thankfully we do get to have great days thrown into the mix. Loved the honesty of your post!

  26. You are not alone. That’s all I have to say about that.

  27. wait? there’s only 3 ways to fail as a mom. i could list many, many, many (infinity) more. your list isn’t so bad!

  28. Ah yes…I understand perfectly. Almost missed taking treats to my daughter’s school class for her birthday on Monday. Knew it had to be done. Was actually out running errands for that specific purpose, and was still *almost* too late.

    When I got to school, luckily the kiddos were at recess so I hurried and took them into her teacher. She thanked me and then said she was relieved I had been able to get them there because I would have been in hot water with my daughter. Ya think? Oh the life of a mom, huh?

  29. some days are like that..yes…some weeks are too!…what a nice list of happiness to review…and it all balances out, doesn’t it?…beautiful pics!…(i have been on a chocolate binge since valentines day…i am going to have to face the music…or thighs soon…ugh)

  30. oh please…only 3?????????? I fail at least 3 times all before breakfast.

    I am having a fat day today.

    thought I’d share

  31. Quit the gym–a huge waste of money for your time–try kettlebells. I bought mine at Target and it came with a dvd workout. 25 minutes, and I’m done. AND I actually see results (which I never really did when I would go read a magazine on the elliptical for 45 minutes). Sorry, I know I sound like I’m selling something. By the way–very cute birthday invitations!

  32. I need spanx!

  33. Oh my dear. . . that’s just life at its hectic, busy mother best.

  34. Michelle says:

    I had one of those days last week..
    Forgot snack for kid #2’s school, remembered as I drove into the lot. I couldn’t just run to the store because kid#3 {the baby} was in pj’s w/o a coat and we were having a freak snow storm that morning {of course we were!}. Ran home, dressed #3, took snack to school and was told it was a good thing because they were just about to call me {W!}. Forgot it was dress kid #2 in Red, White and Blue day for Presidents week.. he had NONE on for the parade that day.. {poor middle child!}. After school kid #2 had a play date at his besties.. while leaving I ran over an enormous bolder and got my car stuck on top of it.. I said a few not so kind words while all 3 of the kids were freaking out! His besties dad thankfully was home from work early that day and helped me {so that my hubby would not kill me on date night, that would be bad}. I cried the entire way home from the play date while all 3 kids sat in awe of me ~ I’m not sure they have ever seen me cry like that! When we got home in a matter of minutes kid #1 was horsing around and broke a coffee cup and picture frame ~ he then started to cry because I was still not done crying from my boulder incident. Poor kids! It was indeed a VERY bad day! Better luck next week to you! XO

  35. I’ve forgotten to pick the kids up more than once. And there have been a few times they *might* have had to wear day-old underwear because I forgot to do the laundry. And once I may have pulled my daughter in front of me when a bee was flying around (I’m deathy afraid of them).

    Oh yeah, Mother of the Year I am not.

  36. I forgot to pick up my son after school once ( i remembered one hour later!) i just brought cake the next day and apoligized……
    If my son’s mad at me he still likes to mention this incident but i don’t do guilt trips :))

    Have a happy, happy weekend

  37. OMG this post was funny. You always make me laugh out loud or smile when I stop by but this time I was reading it to my hubby. It was that good. Not quite as good as the KY but pretty good.

  38. I’m a new reader, you are hilarious, I love your writing.

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