A new me…..

I’m just letting you know up front that i am not a deep soul……

young at heart…….definitely….

an old soul……for sure…..

but deep…..that …i am not.

I take my relationships lightly……i don’t know why….but i do.

my friend told me yesterday….

that i tend to tread water…sort of like skimming it…..and i had to think about that one for a bit……

and i think what it means is…..

i’m a surface person…..i skim the situation lightly….like i would a person.

ugggh.

who wants a friend like that.


I’m realizing that i want to be more….

i want friends that really care….not just pretend to care….

i want to be a friend that cares….

like when i moved here….which was a big move for us…..because i did not want to come…

but we had to……

and i drifted into a dark spot……..and for a good 6 months….my marriage was tough…..yes….

that was the toughest six months together…..

i was sad…..i was lost….i was hurt…. i didn’t want to be here…….

i was mad….

and the one friend i really thought would understand ….was actually hurting me the most….

or at least that’s how it felt…..

and i didn’t tell her…..

and because i’m a surface type of girl….i let the friendship go….

because i didn’t want to hear her tell me anymore that i would get over it …..

i did get over it…..but it took a whole year for me to find my place here….

making new friends….making my house a home…

and even though i hated it here at first…..this place had grown on me…..

but i am realizing how quick i am to let a friendship go…

because i am selfish……

I.am.selfish

If nice things aren’t said…..or there is tension…..

i pull away…..i back off…..

and i leave.

That was the old me……

breaking off a friendship because i don’t want to get hurt….

instead of digging deeper and actually working things out….

i’m also not a confrontationalist {is that a word?}……

{remember the story about me in front of a camera…}

i’m the same when it comes to having to confront a situation….

drool everywhere….

ugggh.

I don’t want to be her.


The new me is about to turn 35……..

and i want to be someone special…..

i want to be special to someone…..

i want my friends to love me unconditionally….

and i want to love them truthfully…..

and work out the kinks….the wrinkles…..the hurts i’ve caused…….

i want to be more bold ….to tell a friend that i am hurting inside….

but i also need the type of friend that can put me in my place….

and not feel the need to run…..

good bye old me….

hello new me.

xo

oh… …

Found: remember the search for plum boots ? well…i found them….atT.J. Maxx…..for only $30!! …..

and yes…..for $30…..they might acually be pleather…..but who cares….they are freakin cute.

pleather plum boots…….who knew.

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