Regrets…

When Fin was only a few months old….my very best friend lost her baby.
She was 7 mo pregnant when she started to complain that she just wasn’t feeling very good…in fact…she had a bad feeling. She said the baby wasn’t moving around as much and just didn’t feel like herself.
So she made a doctors appointment and went in.
I got the call later that night from her mom telling me that indeed their was something wrong with the baby and they were inducing her.
The baby had a bad infection which resulted in the doctors telling her that the baby would not live once it was delivered.
As soon as Bryan got home from work…i headed to the hospital. I spent all evening there…watching and wishing there was something i could do….but could not.
When this sweet baby boy was born the next day…they got to hold him right away and held him tightly for his last few seconds on earth.
Over the next few months our friendship changed.
I was at home with a healthy baby boy….she was at home mourning the loss of her baby boy.
This once best friend of mine…i could no longer call every day and complain about such mundane things…
i couldn’t talk.
she couldn’t talk.
We drifted.
They had 2 healthy girls at home and i felt like her husband wasn’t being as supportive as i though he should be at a time like this….and i was doing all i could to be the very best friend i could….and still…..we were drowning.
It wasn’t till much later that she told me that she thought i wasn’t as supportive as i could have been and i felt deflated.
I tried to be the best friend that i could to a girl who lost her baby.
All she really needed was someone to sweep down and take away her pain…..wrap their arms around her and make everything normal.
I couldn’t do that.
Every time i would see her..i would have this happy baby boy….and all she had was a picture.
I lost a friend….who lost a baby.
I have no idea if she reads my blog or not….but i am making it a goal to reconnect……
to wrap her in my arms and tell her how very sorry i am …
to tell her i wish i could have done more….
to rebuild a lost friendship…..
i don’t want to live with regrets….

xo

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